So! In the midst of quarantine life, I have decided to take the most sought after class at Yale University – The Science of Well-Being. In an effort to deeply understand myself and seek out the root issues of my unhappiness, I have decided to record it all here. Seeing as I have quite a bit of time on my hands with CO-VID 19 up and at it, I’m hoping this course will help me to honestly assess my strengths and weaknesses, and to do some deep and necessary work rather than just fixing the symptoms of my problems.
At first my ego came out to play and was like, “Hey, you have a lot of healthy habits. I doubt this class will be of much use to you.” But once I started the course, took the happiness assessment and only scored a 5.06/10, I realized that there is a lot about myself that I’m not happy with. There is a lot I am ashamed of and feel guilty over, and I need to be honest with myself so that I can take the first step in moving forward.
What I’m finding is that there is a role in my life that I’m already in, that I want to be in. However, I am having a tough time believing in and accepting myself, and my place as a human being. As much as I can tell myself that I deserve to be here and that I deserve to go after the things in life that ignite and feed my soul, knowing that doesn’t do much.
I digress. I just want this space to be one where I can fully organize and document my thoughts on this class. Thinking in a written form is how I adequately form my thoughts and opinions, and it truly helps me to cement what I have learned so that it can come full circle and actually be implemented into my life. Because what is knowledge without the application?
It’s nothing. To start off, I want to better understand my strengths by answering the questions from the Via Character site about my four greatest attributes:
- Social Intelligence (humanity virtue)
- Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence (transcendence virtue)
- Curiosity (wisdom virtue)
- Gratitude (transcendence virtue)
Social Intelligence:
- What are the social situations that have had the most positive outcomes for you, and how did you positively influence the interactions? Recently I went to Peru, where I was at a retreat with six people whom I knew for only two days, yet became incredibly close to. While we were there, we had strict rules to follow such as no caffeine, no alcohol, no weed, even no food at some points — substances that would usually break the ice when getting to know new people. It made me realize how those things actually really hamper getting close to people. It’s funny because we think those things make it easier for us to open up to others, but what I have come to find recently is that it really blunts our ability. Even when I consider the guy I’m talking to now — sure, at first we partied a lot and would go on dates where we binge drank. But the real connection came in the breakfast dates, or the hours spent just laying in bed. I’m not sure how to answer the latter part of this question, but I’ll do my best. I hope that by just being me, and being genuine and opening up about who I am as a person, I positively influenced these interactions. Because maybe in both situations, me revealing parts of myself to others in a vulnerable way, allowed them to do the same — therefore creating a circle of trust where we could ping pong who we are back and forth.
- When has it been helpful for you to double-check your “read” on situations? How did you do the double-check? Hm. I think this is a tough question for me because I would say that I very rarely read a situation wrong. If anything I might downplay situations at times, which can be hurtful to others. It is important for me to remember that the things important to me may not be important to others, and vise versa. I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant, but I really think it’s been a long time since I have read a situation wrong. I do, however, think that I have perhaps pretended to read a situation wrong in order to keep things light in some areas. Doing a double check of myself would mean that I reexamined my own motives.
- When has your social intelligence use gotten in your way? Oof. I think having social intelligence can make it difficult to make decisions about people or circumstances because you are acutely aware that there are many factors and emotions going into everything. Things are fragile. Nothing is ever really fair, and you can’t really ever know the complexity of any given situation. It can almost make you not trust things, as nothing is what it seems. You can find yourself understanding how people are usually only doing things for their own advantage. Which is understandable. Having social intelligence can also make you understand why people do the things they do, which can be both a good and a bad thing. It’s difficult to get mad at people when you realize they’re usually doing the best they can based on the information they have.
Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence:
- Under what conditions (people, places, activities) are you most appreciative of beauty and excellence? I’m most appreciative of beauty and excellence when it comes from something deep within, or when things are done right from the start. Like when a shirt with a pattern on it has the patterns matched up at the seams. Just going that extra step to do things correctly. I find such solace in taking care of things from the inside out. Being thorough.
- How does appreciation of beauty or appreciation of excellence affect your work, relationships, use of leisure time, and community involvement? I actually think it may affect me in a bad way. It’s almost like I am a perfectionist at times, but one who never even gets started because they judge themselves too harshly at the beginning. I need to learn to appreciate beauty and excellence without side stepping all of the messiness it took to get there.
- To what extent do you appreciate beauty versus appreciating excellence? I would say I appreciate excellence more so than beauty, because to be excellent requires great effort and it’s about behaviors. Plus, with excellence comes beauty. I can’t say the same for beauty, although it can be comforting at times.
Curiosity:
- What are you most curious about? Were you a curious child and adolescent? Ugh. I’m honestly most curious about people’s daily routines. What they do when they wake up, what they eat, how they approach problems. As a child I think I was just curious about superficial things. I was also curious about people’s relationships as a kid though.
- How has your curiosity been affected growing up? If it has changed over time, why is that? My curiosity has definitely been affected growing up. It has shifted to a healthier perspective. Being more interested in how things got to be the way they are, more so then just how they are in that moment. I think it has changed over time because I’ve realized I can’t just wake up and be whatever I want to be. I can’t just call myself a runner. I have to start running.
- How does curiosity play out across the different domains of your life – family, socializing, work, school? It distracts me, but it also keeps me engaged. Confusing.
Gratitude:
- What circumstances make it most likely you will experience gratitude? What circumstances make it most likely you will express gratitude? Selfishly, I am most grateful when people help me. Even if it’s not a physical act of service, but if I can feel someone caring about me and believing in my ability to make a difference — that means so much to me because it helps me believe in myself. I also feel a great sense of gratitude whenever I can help someone that I care about. Helping others, in turn, helps me by bringing me connection. So again, selfish.
- Are there people to whom you have not adequately expressed gratitude, as an oversight or intentionally holding it back (e.g., family, friends, co-workers, mentors, community members)? If so, why? I don’t think so. I think I naturally let people know when I appreciate them.
- To what degree do you express gratitude to others out of a deep feeling of appreciation as opposed to social convention? Quite often. I’m actually probably lacking on the social convention side of this.