Hello, hello, hello. And welcome.
So, I just finished watching all of the videos for week three of my Yale course. I feel like some of the lectures are common sense at this point. Like we all know that social media makes us unhappy because we compare ourselves, but there is definitely something to be said for marinating in that knowledge, and seeing studies to back it up. A fact is just a fact unless you really sit with it and consider the ways in which it actually applies to your own life.
When I last left off posting about this course, I was working on improving my strengths from the Via Character website. One of the suggested exercises for building my Social Intelligence (my greatest strength apparently) is to write down five feelings daily over the course of four weeks and to monitor patterns. So far I have done it for about two weeks, and what I have noticed is that I’m more in control of my emotions than I ever realized. I know this because on the days where I am having negative emotions, it’s never because of external events. It’s always something to do with my actions that day. This is something I have been aware of for quite some time — the fact that I am indeed, my biggest problem. But to see the actual emotions written down on paper, and to see the repetition of how I am making myself feel — the unnecessary pain I am causing myself — is actually pretty mind blowing.
To be honest, I’m not really sure what writing down my own emotions has to do with social intelligence, especially while in quarantine for COVID-19. I guess it could have something to do with the fact that often times, how you feel about others is how you feel about yourself? Also meaning that usually how others feel about me has nothing to do with me. I’m unsure.
Anyway, the brain rewirements I was assigned to work on for week two were:
Savoring and Gratitude.
While I tried to do this in simple ways, such as with that first cup of coffee or by watching the way the sun rises over the bay, I’d say my most notable savoring happened last Thursday. I was waiting for Jacob to get to the boat. I had been productive throughout the day, and had cleaned everything up, and I was drinking a homemade margarita while listening to chill rap music and reading/replying to some of the forums in this Yale course. He was picking up red wine and grilled shrimp salads. I wish I could explain how it felt in that moment. I had my health, my favorite person ever on his way to me, and I was a part of a community of people who were striving to think deeply and better themselves.
The best part is that I felt as if I deserved to feel that way because I had done the necessary work to get there. I was grateful for everything that had happened, both good and bad, to get me to that moment — filled with this overly content feeling and hope for the future. That night I had trouble falling asleep, but it didn’t even matter because I was so grateful. It finally stormed, and the boat rocked dramatically while I curled up next to Jacob.
Cheesy.
*
Week three’s rewirements were on kindness and social connections — which I embarked on in quite the unusual way.
Without getting into it too much, as this story is a whole blog post in itself…
This past weekend I drove three hours to a town called Lafayette to meet up with an older man named Lynn, whom I had met on a train in Peru last month. I spent the entire weekend talking to him about my past, my future, my dreams, who I am — everything. I asked questions about his life, his experiences and his religion. We walked in parks, and discussed the afterlife. I don’t even really know how to sum it up, and I’m not ready to try because I don’t think anyone could understand. But if that’s not the absolute peak of true social connection, then I’m really not sure what is.
I also believe that a lot of kindness went into this weekend, from both Lynn and I. Just being with someone for an entire weekend that you don’t really know takes a lot of give and take from both parties.
So! That’s my update on The Science of Well-being course I am taking. I am really enjoying it thus far. I feel like week one’s lectures, which focused on how the things we think will make us happy actually don’t, were more of a review for me than anything. I’d like to think that I’m all too aware at this point that having the perfect body or a high paying job aren’t the keys to happiness. Although as this course stated at the beginning, “knowing is not half the battle.” In my head, the deeper things I am after — the discipline it takes to have the “perfect body,” and the fulfillment that results from doing something I love (which would likely lead to more money since I would actually be excited to do the work) are the things I’ve been trying to focus on.
It’s confusing though. I reread that paragraph above (and the beginning of this post) and roll my eyes. For me to think something is review for me, just because they are things I already KNOW does not mean that it’s actually a review because I haven’t been successful in IMPLEMENTING those things. Or at least, I haven’t been as successful as I’d like to be. It’s funny that I often think that basics are repetitive when in reality I haven’t mastered them. It’s funny to catch myself in the above, because Dr. Laurie Santos even talks about this — the idea that by learning something your mind tricks you into thinking you know it, when really just knowing something is nothing.
I’m excited for this week’s lectures! We are going to start discussing tactics and ways to actually implement what we know/have learned. Application is definitely something I am working on in my personal and professional life, so I’m stoked to be a part of a community of people who are all striving for the same!