Thoughtful Glitches

shit I can't stop thinking about

Less, but better + Learning rules so you can properly break them + the paradox of choice

Today I want to talk about the power of limitations, learning the rules so that you can properly break them, and the paradox of choice.

How do I start this? I went to my dad’s this past weekend for Thanksgiving, and honestly we had the best time ever. I feel like we really bonded, and that the time we had together strengthened our relationship immensely. At first when my sister couldn’t come up to North Carolina with me, I was kinda nervous and felt like I was going to be grasping at straws to keep any conversation with my dad afloat. When I started mulling over that slight anxiety in my head, I recognized the weirdest sensation as well. I realized that a part of me thought that my dad didn’t understand me and that I was insecure around him because I felt like he thought I was boring. I don’t know if this is because he wasn’t around when I was a kid, or maybe because him and my sister are closer and she is the more “outgoing one.” I also didn’t feel like he believed in my dreams, partly because I know in a lot of ways he wants to protect me. Which I totally get, but at the same time I know that that isn’t doing me any real favors. I’ve got to make my own mistakes. What I realized after spending time with him however, is that he has helped give me room to make mistakes. And I haven’t even noticed it because I’ve been so insecure about being myself around him. It’s actually kinda funny because I’ve always felt like a problem to my dad, but in reality he wants me to use him. Not in an advantage way, but he wants me to lean on him for support whenever I need to because it makes him feel needed, and because he wants me to succeed. What I realized is that we need each other. I also discovered that my dad is way more emotionally intelligent than I ever gave him credit for. I saw a lot of myself in him actually, and in a way it was scary.

That isn’t even what I want to talk about though. Something I noticed when I was up there is how much stuff my dad and his girlfriend have. Like there is so much processed food, so many clothes that she doesn’t wear, so many different bottles of shampoo and… just so much excess. And I know I am being a grinch when I even think about Christmas decorations in this way … but part of me is just like … what is the point? Don’t get me wrong, I am super grateful that someone cares about putting Christmas decorations up because they really do warm my heart, and I guess there doesn’t even have to be a point to them. In a way, this blog is the equivalent of Christmas decorations. No one will read it, except for maybe clicking on the title before deciding not to invest time in it. Just like someone will put up a Christmas tree that maybe no one will come over to see, but they will pass it as they go down the street and see it glistening in the window.

It will matter while at the same time, mean absolutely nothing.

Okay, that is another tangent. What I am really getting at here can be summed up by a Charles Bukowski quote that at times seems to radiate through my head.

“The less I needed, the better I felt.”

The more I looked around at all the unnecessary stuff around me, the more I look at my own possessions, the more I realize how much of a minimalist I have really become over the past year, and how much better it makes me feel to not have so much stuff clogging up my life. I think this can be applied to so many different areas as well. Like my wardrobe has become minimalistic, as I have stopped buying fast fashion the way I used to. My friendships are minimalistic, as I really only hangout with a select few. I feel my best when my diet is minimalistic. Basically, I just need less. And I feel better when I have less. I just don’t have the desire for things I don’t need. It’s like all this stuff surrounding us is just another unnecessary distraction.

But with having less, I want the quality of everything I have to be top-notch. When I was reading Steve Job’s biography a couple of years ago, there was this one part where he was talking about design. His design was always incredibly minimal. I mean just look at how sleek the iPhone is and you’ll understand exactly what I’m talking about. But there was one quote within the book that really stood out for me. It was from a german designer by the name of Dieter Rams, and it said,

“Weniger aber besser.”

Which means, “Less, but better.” When I read that quote in 2017, it just felt so buttery to me. I decided that’s how I wanted to live my life. In regards to food, fashion, my diet and relationships. Obviously, my life isn’t perfectly minimal, and there are varying degrees to the whole thing, but that was the intention I set and have been slowly working towards without even really knowing it. Change happens slowly, with each little intention and behavior change, both from the subconscious and consciously. In fact, I got that quote tattooed on my collarbone when I was in Iceland.

It’s funny. “Less, but better” really gets you the best of both worlds. They say you can’t have your cake and eat it too, but if you only eat what you need — if you only eat half, you actually can have your cake and eat it too.

Somehow, this brings to mind another quote, one I’m not even sure what the connection is yet. Pablo Picasso once said,

“Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”

This quote reminds me of something I have heard Sal mention a lot on Mind Pump — the four stages of learning.

  1. Unconscious Incompetence — This is when you don’t know what you don’t know. At this point, you don’t even really give attention to something because it isn’t important to you, and you see no need or value to learning it. You don’t even recognize that there are benefits to learning it. You’re oblivious. Ignorance is bliss.
  2. Conscious Incompetence — At this point, you become aware that you are missing important knowledge. This stage can be hard on the ego and requires a personal decision to follow through.
  3. Conscious Competence — This is when you have acquired a certain skill set, but it doesn’t come naturally. You have to work at it. You haven’t mastered the skill yet.
  4. Unconscious Competence — This is when you have mastered the skill so well, that you don’t even know you are doing it. It just comes naturally.

In relation to what Picasso said, it’s like you have to understand the fundamentals of something before you can really get creative with it. You have to go through the first three stages before you can find your flow with things. It’s necessary to give yourself limitations so that you can eventually break through them in the best way.

With being a minimalist comes a certain kind of structure, and from that structure comes a special kind of freedom. Ryan Holiday said, “A person who has no self control lives in hell. The worst thing I could do is give you everything you want. You can’t lie to yourself and tell yourself that an unlimited amount is enough, and that’s going to mean anything to you in the long run.”

I’ll say it again, so I can drill it into my own brain — there is a special freedom that comes from commitment, self control, and minimalism.

Limiting your choices and the unnecessary noise around you is necessary in order to thrive and hear what it is you actually are in need of.

That’s why I’ve been craving minimalism over the years. That’s why I feel my best when I am following certain routines that make my life simpler. Whenever I give myself less, but better choices resulting from the limitations I give myself. Why self control can set you free.

That’s how it gives me the best of both worlds when I only take what I need. I hope this makes sense.

It’s like when you go to an expensive, white table cloth restaurant with a huge menu and they give you huge, unnecessary portions. Why do we need all this excess stuff and endless choices? I’d rather go to the locally farmed, one page menu type place that doesn’t give you more than you need. Where you can’t ask for substitutions on dishes because that’s not how the dish was curated.

It’s more than just a restaurant though. It’s this whole paradox of choice thing — “The observation that having many options to choose from, rather than making people happy and ensuring they get what they want, can cause them stress and problematize decision-making.”

Having more won’t make you happy.

Being a minimalist isn’t just about having less things, it’s about being intentional about not only what you buy, but what you consume and how you spend your time. It’s about who you support with your money, it’s about creating your own guidelines for living instead of blindly wanting more of the wrong things. It’s about doing things with a purpose.

It’s about quality, gratitude and the bigger picture for your life. It’s about having only the best choices to choose from. It’s about making thoughtful choices, and that is something I will forever strive for.

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