“Eat a high sugar diet, to make the fungus grow.” – said a sick doctor, he was running the show
But what no one realized is how he too was infected, we assign this halo effect – like celebs with talent, eclectic
Idolizing others, a race to be run – but the glow up is inside us, what we learned must be undone
These self limiting beliefs, like a needle and thread, they stitch us together – but only naked can we be fed
I told myself I would write something at least a little structured here at least once a week, but honestly my thoughts have been so all over the place that I think I’ll just go ahead and word-vomit. That is — let these thoughts hit the ground running. Prepare for some quirky lines.
I’ve been writing a shit ton of what I call Sidewalk Slants lately, and I feel like they really fit my vibe. I like the idea of a slant because it’s a rhyme that doesn’t quite fit. If you think about it, a slant is pretty much a thoughtful glitch.
I’ve been throwing all of these poems up on my IG highlights and I’ve been getting a lot of encouraging feedback, but I feel like it’s probably getting annoying as well. It’s nice to be creative without a purpose though. There doesn’t always have to be an end goal. You can just do things because it feels good, without expecting to get anything out of it. You can make music because it adds to who you feel you are at the core — your self-schema. You can go to the gym without having an aesthetic goal in mind. You can cook a fancy ass dinner just for you, without telling anyone. You can spend 30 minutes taking a perfect picture and show noone. You can keep a secret to yourself because it’s sweeter that way.
You can get a tattoo for someone and never tell them.
Anyway, what I lowkey want to write about today is why 2019 has been such a good year. It really all comes down to my new year resolution, which was —
Be happy for others.
This really shifted my focus this year. I think it’s in everyone’s nature to compare themselves to others, and to hope we do better than them. That sounds kinda fucked up, but wanting the best for yourself is human nature. When other people succeed, while we might be happy for them at the core, it does cause us to look at our own life and point out our own shortcomings. And while I think it’s healthy to be reflective like that, I think it also can lead to almost doing things out of hate for ourselves instead of love. When we compare ourselves to others, it makes us feel like there is something we don’t have within us and it causes us to become bitter.
I’m not saying I have ever wished ill on anyone. I’m just saying that when someone had something I wanted, or even if they seemed to know that they wanted, while I was just a ball of confusion — I became too aware of this tiny jealous sting inside me. This feeling that I wasn’t adding up.
That’s when I decided that I needed to be happier for others, instead of comparing myself to them. It’s funny too, and I’ve mentioned this in a previous blog post, but when we focus on what others have that we don’t, instead of pushing ourselves towards what we want — when we’re ready for it — we end up creating an even bigger gap. We create that lack in our life because that’s what we’re focusing on.
When we let comparison drive our decisions, when we set out to prove people wrong instead of focusing on the ones we can prove right — we get nowhere. Even comparing ourselves to a past or ideal version of ourselves gets us nowhere because we are complex creatures being shaped by every dull (or exciting) moment of our lives.
By being jealous of someone we’re basically creating an energy that says, “There isn’t enough for me.” Which for damn sure isn’t true. Because noone sees what you see, even if they see it too. We’re all so unique and different and we all have so much to offer.
It’s kinda funny. I look back at my past relationships and it’s fucked up because now I can see that we weren’t … operating correctly. Instead of being happy for each other, there was this sense of jealousy. This may seem like a dumb example, but say one of us got a tattoo. It always made the other person want to go get a tattoo. Chasing some weird high, trying to out do each other. Never working together. Or maybe he was never working with me. Whatever, it’s besides the point.
It’s like that cliche saying that goes, “May the space between where I am and where I want to be inspire me.” The line between comparing ourselves to what we see on someone’s surface, or instead letting those who are doing well inspire us is a fine one. However, ever since shifting my focus, I’ve felt incredibly free to be myself and operate on my own timeline while feeling inspired and truly happy for everyone who is doing well and following their dreams.
Changing my perception changed my reality.
That’s partly why 2019 has been so lit.